Mental meltdown

Well, this was not how I wanted this evening to go. I have been having a good day all day. Shipped out a package full of product, and spent time with my best friend and nephew. I came home to relax, and then my parents came to visit and grab a crock pot. That’s when it all went downhill. I ended up having a mental overload and breakdown, fighting with my mom, and on top of all that a few dozen tears and an anxiety attack. We are all okay now I hope, but I most definitely didn’t want it to go that way. Now I’m sitting here with a cup of tea trying to calm myself down, because I feel sick (thanks anxiety). I know I don’t really ever write about this stuff in the moment, or after it’s happened, but this time I needed to. That’s the thing I hate most about anxiety I think, is that it can strike HARD at anytime. Plus when you’re holding things in and just have a whirl of emotions, things can get scary or hectic fast. This is when I wish Marcus was home. Anyway, I just thought I’d write it down, and maybe try and make myself feel better. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.



So, it has come to my attention that a near and dear person has Narcolepsy. I was informed of this the other day, to which I also found out they are being put down and made fun of for it by family. Now let me just speak my mind. I have both Anxiety and Depression, which are considered mental illnesses. Narcolepsy is also considered a mental illness. DO NOT EVER AND I MEAN EVER, MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE FOR AN ILLNESS YOU CANNOT SEE! It’s not funny, it’s not a joke. Just because you physically cannot see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist! Nobody deserves to be treated that way. We all need a good support system filled with people who love us, who will be there for us, not people who put us down and belittle us for what we cannot control. Be kind to one another, everyone deserves it. So, I’ve made a Pinterest board which I will share here and pin at the top of the welcome page. Feel free to check it out, and to follow if you would like. It’s small right now, but I will be adding as I go. Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.

Dear little apartment

Dear little apartment,

Almost 3 years has gone by since I first stepped into your front door. Tomorrow night is our last night here, and I just wanted to reflect on the times we’ve had. You were Marcus and I’s first place that we called “home” together. Although there was a time that we almost lost the warmth and comfort of your tiny closed in walls, we managed to make it through. This was my first home away from my parents, and you made me feel safe. There’s been so many good memories here that I don’t think I can write them all but I’ll try. I became a wife here, a dog mom here (twice), a stay at home wife and dog mom here, celebrated Marcus and I’s first Valentine’s Day, Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays here. I remember when Marcus and I didn’t have a lot of money (I was working he was looking for work), and I came home to him inside the bathroom running me a bubble bath in the tub I’ve come to love. Granted we’ve had bad memories here too, but the good definitely outweighs them. Our tiny corner of the world we liked to call you. The kitchen is small, the living room is crammed, but I will never ever lose the love I have for this tiny place I call home. Thank you for being ours for almost 3 good years of my life. Dear tiny apartment…..we love you.

Love always,

The Merricks

Addressing the issue

I wanted to talk a little more today about Toby’s pica. If you guys missed the blog about it, Toby has pica and I will leave the link as well as some others down below for you to check out. Pretty much when he gets too bored or anxious or even scared, he “self soothes” with eating things that shouldn’t be eaten. You’ve read about him eating socks, shirts, his blanket etc well that is exactly what pica is for him. We’ve been working with him a lot to try and teach him that he needs to eat his food and treats we give him. Everyday, Marcus comes home from work and takes him on a run so he can get out of the house. We give him pedialyte (that’s right, dogs can have it), chamomile honey popsicles or chamomile tea (yes they can have that too), or his chill out treats if we are out of popsicles. He’s back on his regular food and he is doing a lot better. He was so sick for the first while that all he could eat was rice and chicken broth. Pica for Toby doesn’t happen all the time we’ve noticed, it’s just those situations where he feels too stressed or bored. Toby is a really good dog, I just wish we would have known about this sooner so we were better prepared. Anyway, he is doing so much better now and I am thankful that we have found some solutions in helping him. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.


It’s been a really tough day today. Woke up still sick, and then get a call from my mom telling me that a cousin I was very close with died this morning. I’ve been crying on and off today, and it’s pretty much been a blur since this morning/afternoon. Marcus and I packed up all our dinner stuff and the dogs and took it to my parents so we could try and aid their suffering with homemade tomato bacon bisque soup and reuben sandwiches. This was literally so sudden and unexpected that it took us all by surprise. On the bright side of things, Marcus will more then likely be clearing a $1,000 check next week. He’s been working so much that it’s been hard to find time to spend together, but we do what we can. But now we are back at home, showered, and I’m back underneath my cocoon of blankets and pillows. I’m probably going to end up either making myself some tea, or have Marcus make me a cup since my joints and muscles are still pretty sore. Anyway, I’m going to stop this here before another wave of tears. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.

Happy mommy’s day

Happy mother’s day! We are at my parents house celebrating with my mom and oma today. I even got a card from Shatzie and Toby complete with a pawprint signature. I’ll leave the picture down below. What I really wanted to talk about and address this mother’s day though is the other types of mommies out there. There are fur mommies like myself who’s babies have four paws, mommies who have suffered the loss of having to give a baby back to heaven, and of course those of us who are trying to become mommies for the first time. Today is a day of appreciation for all mommies and we should include each and every one. Our time will come I promise. The journey is hard and trying. Through all the shots, temp taking, medication consummation, IVF, and so much more. I wanna especially thank my momma and my mom in law for being the best of the best. I love you guys and thank you so much for the unconditional love and support you’ve given. Anyway, I’m gunna continue to spend the day with my mommy. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love and happy mother’s day. 

Double down

I hate feeling like this. I hate the sinking feeling of being in a fight. It wasn’t a good start to my day seeing as I’m sick and didn’t sleep well. I’m babysitting at the moment and I am just ready to go home. I hate being overly exhausted and sick. I know I’m probably ranting and sounding bitchy, but that’s just today. That’s just me in a nutshell today. I wanna crawl back in bed and sleep it all away. Damn you depression. Damn you anxiety. Damn all of it. It’s been a constant low test reading too and that’s just not what I wanna see or read. I’m ready for today to just be over. Anyway, I am needing to go chase after my godson. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.