Okay so I promised you all a fertility update, so here it is. I have been using the Ava bracelet for some time now, if you don’t know what that is, I’ll link it down below. I started a fertility Twitter and Youtube channel which I will link both of those down below too (you can also find them on the main menu), and I’m still on my meds. Marcus and I can officially sign up for health insurance on December 16th, and after that is done him and I plan on going in for testing. It’s still a struggle for us for sure, but we are taking it day by day, one step at a time. I’m still learning to be okay with myself, and to be okay with this journey that seems like it’s never going to end. I know this post was pretty straightforward, but did you really expect anything less? Anyway, before I ramble on too much, I actually need to do something else productive today. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.
Okay to give you a little background story, my last period was in December of last year. It is now March 17, 2018 and I’m 87 days in. That’s right, 87. I’ve finally has some sort of spotting/bleeding today, so I’m waiting to see where the hell that leads. I’m so over this. i cannot begin to even describe to you how much I just wanna have a goddamn period. Of course we want babies, but I sorta need to know if my period is going to be able to happen in order to plan for it. This may be way too much information for some of you, but at this point you probably should be used to it. For the longest time I’ve been so irritated. Anyway, I just wanted to give an update here, because there hasn’t been one in God knows how long. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.
Infertility is hard. I’m pretty sure that it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. If I get bashed for posting this, so what. At this point I don’t really care. I had to swallow a very bitter pill yesterday afternoon, when my best friend came and told me she was pregnant again. Let me just address this real quick. In no way am I upset with her, and yes I am excited for her. Now that I have that out of the way, let me continue. I broke down in front of her and her husband, and I completely lost it after they left. She knows, and is in no way upset with me. She actually supported ME, when it was supposed to be the other way around. All I wanted for Christmas was two pink lines, which obviously the universe decided I wasn’t going to get once again. Yes I will be there for the birth and everything in between for this baby. Yes I will love this new life just as much as I love her others. Is this going to be hard on me? Absofuckinglutely. But, she is my best friend, and I’m going to love her through it. So go ahead, tear me down, call me selfish for writing this, tell me I’m broken cause I’m not pregnant (already heard that more than once). But don’t you think for one second that I’m going to not stand up for myself. I’m trying my damndest to have a baby, even if it is just one. Please for the love of all that is holy, don’t give me any advice on what I should and shouldn’t be doing, because right now I don’t need or want to hear it. All I need is someone to listen and let me vent. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.
Real life update coming your way. I’m still unpacking the damn second bedroom, and at least trying to make it semi decent. Until further notice, it will turn into my beauty room. Speaking of further notice, let me fill you in shall I? It’s literally not as exciting as it sounds. As of now I am on CD (cycle day) 35, and my temps are rising. I’m once again on the wait for ovulation (hence the rising temp) and waiting to start my progesterone cream yet again. We have been trying Preseed as well, which I’ll leave a link down below to it, if anybody is interested in lube (ha funny. No?). Sounds gross I know, but you never know who else is trying to have a kid. Also, I have been ovulating, even though it has been later then I thought it would be. So yeah, that’s pretty much where we are right now. Still taking our vitamins (yay), I’m still on my meds for everything (not so much of a yay), and now we have a bigger space to try for kids. Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.
Well after two negative pregnancy tests, I started my period yesterday. So it looks like this month isn’t our month either (go figure). Also just my luck, I packed my midol in a box somewhere in the garage that I cannot find. Yay. Amongst all thing, period acne has flared up like a biatch, I’m cranky, overwhelmed, and have two days to make sure everything in my parents house is back in order. On the bright side, we move into our new place on the 1st, so hopefully Aunt Flow isn’t as bad by then or I may end up going nuts. For those of you still wondering, I’m still on my meds (yes there is a blog post about it, go read it) and yes I have been ovulating. Not to be bitchy or mean, but I’m not really looking for advice on how to get pregnant right now, so please don’t try. I love you all, I just need a minute. Also, I don’t want to hear about how I should be pregnant by now, and how I’m failing at it (yes there have been a few people who have said this). Anyway, thank you guys for all the love and support as always, I will return to my normal self in a few days when everything slows down. Much love.
Well, it’s Wednesday morning and CD (cycle day) 12. Woke up, went pee, took my vitex, and my first round of progesterone cream of the day. I’m supposed to apply it on myself in 1/4 tsp. where the capillaries are closest to the skin (palm of hands, wrists, inner arms, neck or face) twice a day until CD (cycle day) 26. After the 26th day, I stop and see if my period comes within a week. I told my ovaries this morning that we are going to ovulate properly and make a baby this time (no, seriously, I did). Also since I’m almost out of this jar of cream, my new ones came in the mail yesterday. Toby dog even reminded me to take my meds this morning. He has a habit of pawing me until I do so. So if everybody could give my ovaries some sort of encouragement, that would be great. I’m over here with pretty much everything that you can cross on your person, crossed. I’m honestly trying to have high hopes for this cycle, but I don’t really wanna get that excited. I know that sounds so bad to say, but it’s the truth. But anyway, thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.
So my nifty little FF (fertility friend) app tells me that my periods are 95% regular. What does that mean you ask? Pretty much 90% to 100% is a good thing, you have normal periods and shouldn’t really worry much about it. I feel lucky enough to know that I’m regular that way. But lower than 90%, you should probably go and seek some help. Thanks FF (fertility friend), I now know that I’m regular (sarcasm included). I’ll leave a link to their website down below for any ladies interested in checking it out. You can also download the app on your phone (I’m totally not sponsored by the way). It is really helpful since it does adjust itself to you and your body. Sometimes I feel like pounding my head into a wall, but that’s not a viable solution. Other than the migraine I’m working on getting rid of, we are still in the process of waiting for next Wednesday, which is when I can start progesterone cream again (yay me I suppose). As much as I hate the waiting game, it has to be done. I guess I’m just really impatient as far as this goes. Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.