The struggle is real…

Updates!

Okay so, I just ran through and updated/added new photos and a new tab on the top menu! So go ahead and check them out if you would like to. Also don’t forget to check out Magnolia Studios social links also included in the top menu. Please feel free to share away, we don’t mind at all! I’m sorry I haven’t been posting as much, but thank you guys a bunch for all the love on my Mother’s Day post. It meant the world to me! It’s been a crazy ride in the Merrick household for sure! Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.

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Testing day

No this isn’t the kind of testing you’re thinking of. I’ll include links down below, but we had 4 out of 8 taste testers (all four legged) in our kitchen yesterday. As part of my aunts business, they have a pet line which Marcus and I are in charge of. We make pet beds and treats, and the Magnolia Studios Furbabies kitchen was the place to be for some free treat samples. It was a successful day for sure, and no I’m not going to share any recipes (sneaky sneaky). Our pet beds have launched on Etsy, but not the treats as of yet. Don’t worry though, they are coming soon (maybe in July….hint hint). Anyway, it’s a rest day for us I believe, unless when Marcus comes home he wants to experiment more. We’ll see. I’ll keep everybody up to speed on things, but for now, it’s a slow moving day here. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.

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Frustration

Okay to give you a little background story, my last period was in December of last year. It is now March 17, 2018 and I’m 87 days in. That’s right, 87. I’ve finally has some sort of spotting/bleeding today, so I’m waiting to see where the hell that leads. I’m so over this. i cannot begin to even describe to you how much I just wanna have a goddamn period. Of course we want babies, but I sorta need to know if my period is going to be able to happen in order to plan for it. This may be way too much information for some of you, but at this point you probably should be used to it. For the longest time I’ve been so irritated. Anyway, I just wanted to give an update here, because there hasn’t been one in God knows how long. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.

It’s been awhile

 

Hello. Yes I’m still living I swear. It’s been really crazy lately with everything going on. We are still loving our new apartment, Toby hasn’t had a single Pica incident since being here (knock on wood, fingers crossed, all that jazz), Shatzie turned a year old last year, and just a lot of crazy. Turns out I have to take Marcus and I’s Colorado vacation alone this year, because of his work. Luckily enough, his mom is coming to get me and bring me home. I’ve been having some issues with my body as of late, which I won’t go into detail here, so look out for a fertility post (I hope). I started helping my aunts with their pottery business which I will link all their social medias down below, which is nice being able to have a job again even if it’s working from home. I’ll be doing some editing of the blog, so look out for those changes as well. I’m going to try and get back into this as much as possible, so bear with me. Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.

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2018

Happy New year everyone! Unfortunately, I’m starting off today with the stomach flu. All credit for that goes to my tiny human godson because he had and or has a mild version (still love him though). We celebrated all yesterday in bed stuffing our faces full of good food, Netflix, and lots of tea. So fancy I know. So, what do I want to accomplish this year. Let’s see…hit 3,000 views on here (we made it to 2,000 last year), have a baby (yes I’m still going to say it until it happens), grow my business, and I guess just live happily with my tiny family. 2017 brought us a good year that’s for sure, but we did have our challenges. We celebrated 2 years of marriage, got Shatzie, celebrated our first Thanksgiving and Christmas in our new place, celebrated both Toby’s and Shatzie’s birthdays, went on vacation, moved (twice cause my parents house counts), started a new business, traveled home from vacation at 45mph (not fun), and so much more. I think our good outweighs the bad for sure, but there were some struggles I haven’t mentioned. Anyway, here’s to 2018, I hope it’s a good one for us, and for all of you as well. From my tiny family to yours, Happy New Year. Much love.

Heartbreak

Infertility is hard. I’m pretty sure that it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. If I get bashed for posting this, so what. At this point I don’t really care. I had to swallow a very bitter pill yesterday afternoon, when my best friend came and told me she was pregnant again. Let me just address this real quick. In no way am I upset with her, and yes I am excited for her. Now that I have that out of the way, let me continue. I broke down in front of her and her husband, and I completely lost it after they left. She knows, and is in no way upset with me. She actually supported ME, when it was supposed to be the other way around. All I wanted for Christmas was two pink lines, which obviously the universe decided I wasn’t going to get once again. Yes I will be there for the birth and everything in between for this baby. Yes I will love this new life just as much as I love her others. Is this going to be hard on me? Absofuckinglutely. But, she is my best friend, and I’m going to love her through it. So go ahead, tear me down, call me selfish for writing this, tell me I’m broken cause I’m not pregnant (already heard that more than once). But don’t you think for one second that I’m going to not stand up for myself. I’m trying my damndest to have a baby, even if it is just one. Please for the love of all that is holy, don’t give me any advice on what I should and shouldn’t be doing, because right now I don’t need or want to hear it. All I need is someone to listen and let me vent. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support as always. Much love.

Mental meltdown

Well, this was not how I wanted this evening to go. I have been having a good day all day. Shipped out a package full of product, and spent time with my best friend and nephew. I came home to relax, and then my parents came to visit and grab a crock pot. That’s when it all went downhill. I ended up having a mental overload and breakdown, fighting with my mom, and on top of all that a few dozen tears and an anxiety attack. We are all okay now I hope, but I most definitely didn’t want it to go that way. Now I’m sitting here with a cup of tea trying to calm myself down, because I feel sick (thanks anxiety). I know I don’t really ever write about this stuff in the moment, or after it’s happened, but this time I needed to. That’s the thing I hate most about anxiety I think, is that it can strike HARD at anytime. Plus when you’re holding things in and just have a whirl of emotions, things can get scary or hectic fast. This is when I wish Marcus was home. Anyway, I just thought I’d write it down, and maybe try and make myself feel better. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.