Welcome to my thoughts

Today is one of those days where I kinda want to get out and do something, but at the same time I kinda don’t. I’m having a bit of a struggle with myself today which really sucks. So far no anxiety attacks, but a few bouts of depression has come and gone. I get so frustrated with everything when I’m like this, so then I become grumpy. Today I feel like I’ve been put on the backburner, like I’m not as important to people as they tell me I am. Like 20 questions get so annoying and overplayed that I just don’t want to answer them anymore. I feel like my medication isn’t balancing me out enough or even working for that matter, but I know it is. My demons are out to play today, and I wish they would just go away. I’m not tired, but I feel so exhausted that I just want to crawl in bed and stay there. My niece is leaving today so I’ll be alone (with the exception of the dogs) until Marcus gets home and that frightens me. I absolutely don’t want to be left with my thoughts, but I don’t wanna go and burden someone else with them. I’m trying to find a way to deal with it all so I don’t have to have someone else deal with it for me. This is more of a rambling post I know, so if I bore you to tears I’m sorry. I’m constantly saying that I’m sorry for whatever I feel the need to be sorry for. Even though I shouldn’t be sorry, I am. I can’t help it. I don’t want to deal with people today. It’s too peopley outside, too bright outside, even too happy outside. I don’t understand how Marcus puts up with me when I’m like this. I don’t understand how I put up with me when I’m like this. Why can’t I just be a normal person who doesn’t have to struggle with all this bullshit? Why do I have to feel like I have to apologize for every little thing that happens? Anyway, I think I’m going to stop here before this becomes a billion pages of rambling. Thank you guys for all the love and support as always. Much love.

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