I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Now hear me out if you will. I’m so happy and excited for all of you wonderful ladies that are finding out about becoming a momma, or are already moms and such. As for me, I’m now officially on cycle day 90 and it is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to experience. Trust me, I’ve taken test after test and they’ve all come out the same. A big fat NO. I literally feel like I’m broken, like something inside of me is clawing away at all the hope I even have to conceive. Marcus and I aren’t even using any sort of protection! It feels like there are ladies out there who can just snap their fingers and boom, they’re pregnant. Once again, I’m happy for all of you and a huge congrats from us. But, it’s hard. It is so, so hard to plaster on that smile and that enthusiasm and play it off really well. All I’ve ever wanted was someone to call me mom that doesn’t have four legs and fur. Don’t get me wrong, I love my fur children with all that I am but it’s just not the same. I have to tell myself everyday that I will have a baby, which seems to be on repeat all damn day. It gets tiring, I’m frustrated beyond all belief. I really need people to just not tell me it will happen when it happens, because I already know that. I’m just so sick of hearing it. At this point in my cycle, I’m actually begging for my period now so we can have the chance to try again, and that’s so sad I feel like. And I hate when people tell me I’m not broken. Like, how do you know? Can you see my ovaries, uterus, and other parts? Do you have x-ray vision or some shit that I don’t have?! No offense to the people who have told me I’m not broken, at this point I’m starting to believe I am. And I swear, if I hear one more effing time “I think you have your moms problem”, I’m going to just sock said people/person saying it in the face. I love my mom, and I know the struggle she and my dad went through to have me. But, it wasn’t just one or the other who were having issues. It takes two to make a baby, okay? Anyway, that’s all I’ve been thinking about I guess. Thanks for all the love and support as usual. Much love.


Author: growingupamerrick

Hello everybody! My name is Mariah, I'm 25 years old, married to my best friend, and have two amazing furbabies. I started this blog to fill you in on what goes on inside the Merrick household as well as our lives. We are also on our TTC (trying to conceive) journey, and I've got pretty regular updates on that. Hope you guys enjoy, and happy reading!

2 thoughts on “Thoughts”

  1. Huge (((hugs)))!! We didn’t have a hard time conceiving our first, our second (which ended in m/c), or our third but then it took just over three YEARS to get pregnant with our little Samuel. It tore me up! I am so sorry you’re having this experience. 😥 Just know that a) you’re definitely in good company, and b) so many couples DO finally conceive, even after trying for a long time. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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